The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy (Review + Giveaway)

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, 2nd Edition

How to Have Incredible Sex with Role Play, Sex Games,

Erotic Massage, BDSM Play and Much, Much More

Written by: Violet Blue

Foreword by: Dr. Carol Queen, Ph. D.
Published by:  Celis Press

Publishing July 3, 2014, in celebration of Disobedience Day

Everyone has sexual fantasies... but not everyone knows what to do with them.  The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy: How to Have Incredible Sex with Role Play, Sex Games, Erotic Massage, BDSM Play and Much, Much More is a roadmap to use your fantasies to propel your sex life to the next level.   "Fantasies are your own private, personal sex toys" says Violet Blue.

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy contains twelve chapters, each addressing a different part of fantasy or fetish play.  Violet Blue does an amazing job normalizing sexual fantasies ranging from the common to the disturbing.  By removing the shame from these thoughts, she leaves you feeling sexually empowered and ready to further explore your own fantasies.  One thing that I really like is that it  is written for everyone (straight, gay, man, woman, transgender, single, or coupled).  This book can be enjoyed by sexual novices and veteran kinksters alike.  It is packed with tons of great information, tips, tricks, and ideas.  There are bits of erotica written by Alison Tyler throughout.  An entire chapter at the end is dedicated to resources including books, websites, where to shop for costumes, and safer sex education.  

Discover how to:

• Change habits & learn new tricks with masturbation
• Talk to your partner & bring fantasies into your play together
• Role play without feeling silly (complete with suggestions on costumes, props, & scenarios)
• Add new people (threesomes, foursomes, or more) 
• Strip,  talk dirty, and give an erotic massage
• Play with professionals (strip clubs, peep booths, phone sex, and call girls)
• Have sex in public
• Explore S/M fantasies and different types of fetishes
• Play sex games

I think this is a great book!  Parts of it were super educational and parts had me laughing out loud.  Other parts had me taking a break to masturbate to my own fantasies.  

Exclusive Excerpt:

Want a taste of what The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy is all about?  The nice folks at Cleis Press have provided the following exclusive excerpt for you.

"Fantasy source material can come from a variety of places. Obviously, there’s your own imagination, but for some, hot ideas spring first from real-life sexual experiences. Real-life experiences can provide endless erotic inspiration, yet for many people what really gets the juices flowing (pardon the pun) is experiences we only wish we’d had. What if you had gone home with that stranger? Or really tried to get out of that speeding ticket?

Other ideas come from movies, music videos, porn, TV shows, books, and of course, erotica. And if you’re not single, some of the steamiest ideas will come from your lover.

Remember that if you fantasize about something shocking, like being forced to perform sex, it doesn’t mean that you want it to happen or that you are a bad person. But by identifying your fantasy scenario, you can find a safe space where imagination fuels desire.

By learning how to turn yourself on with fantasy, you can do extraordinary things, like make yourself really aroused and teach yourself new masturbation techniques. Or you can fantasize while your partner goes down on you, and learn to orgasm from the com- bination of oral stimulation plus fantasy. If you have established trust and sexual communication with a part- ner, you can share your fantasies—you can even make some of them come true. And in the following chapters, I’ll tell you exactly how."

From the Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, 2^nd Ed., by Violet Blue

About the Author:

Violet Blue is the best-selling author of numerous sex-instruction books;  she also writes about erotica, pornography, and sexual pleasure and health for a number of magazines. She blogs at Tiny Nibbles and created the popular podcast, Open Source Sex.  She lives in San Francisco.


Want to win a copy for yourself?  Enter below... be sure to come back daily for more entries!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

• Open only to US residents
• Must be 18+ 
• Giveaway will run from July 18th - August 17;  winner will be announced the following week
• Winner has one week to contact me or another winner will be drawn

Buy your copy on Amazon today!  It is available in paperback and on Kindle.

This post is part of the Ultimate Fantasy Blog tour I was offered to participate in by Cleis Press.

A copy of The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for an unbiased review.  This is in compliance with FTC guidelines.

Have You Been Naughty Enough for a Spanking?

Growing up, hearing the threat of a spanking was enough to scare most of us into good behavior.  As an adult, that threat is likely to push our bad behavior enough to actually get the spanking.  If you have never been spanked, then my advice is 'don't knock it till you try it'.  The combination of light pain and relinquishment of control for the receiver is thrilling.  The total control and issuance of punishment for the spanker is exciting and empowering.  Whichever end you choose to be on is definitely an experience worth trying in my opinion.  

Since spanking sexually is quite different from what most of us are used to, I found a great article on Tantus that explains the skill...

HOW TO SPANK AS EXPLAINED BY YOUR BEST FRIEND

-by Metis Black 

Spanking is not an unskilled art. Many write about it in books, flirt with it in social media posts, but recently I've realized how rare it is to find someone who really knows how to spank. 

A few smacks on the ass does not make a spanking. A good spanking session can last up to 2 or 3 hours. Usually combined with some fingering- and broken up by some rearranging of positions and use of other tools, sometimes with a crescendo to full contact sex. 

Tools often come into the arena. Some are easy to wield, like paddles and straps. Some are more advanced. I just marvel when watching experts who know the proper use of these toys, like canes and Dragons Tails... but this is a beginners lesson. 

Like most givers (tops or spankers), I know from experience that if you've never been spanked correctly you don't know how it should be done. I'm going to attempt to give you the verbal steps. 

First, and most importantly, when you begin a traditional spanking of your friends behind, you cup the hand. You do this for several reasons Foremost is that the hand needs to last the duration of the spanking. Trust me; if you want your hand to hurt let someone bite it! Don't waste the pain on giving the spanking. You could be causing nerve damage. 

A cupped hand also has more control over the force or gentleness with which it strikes. You want variation during a spanking. As a very special recipient, you don’t want to feel like it is predictable- you want to lose yourself to this other person's will and domination. 

The cupping also of course makes the best sound! 

Secondly, a spanking is very much regionalized. Think of the ass as divided into zones. Each cheek should be warmed up with light yet firm smacks. No one should be given a WHACK without having first given a warm up. Think of it as foreplay. 

You want to vary your hand placement of the surface of each cheek so that the whole ass has been warmed and neither cheek has missed any of the warm up. 

So we have a firm, basic, cupped handed warm up. Where attention has been given to both cheeks- just like breasts they need equal attention. The most sensitive part of the ass is at the inner thigh. To get close to the genitalia is to get close to nirvana. 

When spanking a male though- be careful of those balls hanging down. It's been my experience that very few men really like having their balls spanked (feel free to refute this). 

After you have the area warm and colored, mix up the impact strength. Go light and then hard and then light again. Creating variation is the key to a great spanking. It’s just as important as moving about the edges of the bulls eye. You don't want to just hit one point over and over, and you don't want to feel just one predictable pounding. 

A paddle, like the Tantus Thwack or Pelt, is perfect for use during a spanking warm up. The flexibility of the silicone paddles makes it very simple to get repetitive motions and it’s oh so easy on the hand.

With Wham Bam, you have more leverage for long, stingy paddling. And Snap Strap is going to feel more like a belt, with its thin flexible form. The thinner the tool, the more sting it has.

The benefit with these Tantus Paddles is that they are 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Instead of dampening sensation, like leather, the silicone transmits that energy. They can be also be thoroughly sterilized by boiling, bleaching or putting in the dishwasher. With a little care, they will last a lifetime.

Remember as spanker, you are responsible for your partner’s sensual experience. You want light patting with a paddle to begin with and then start with a few medium taps. A hard whack is only for someone who is warmed up and consents to more otherwise that one whack may be the last you get to ever give them.

Spank with confidence and with care. 


Now that you have had a short lesson, it is time to gather your tools (aka paddles).  Some of the paddles we offer include the following:

Fluffy Heart Paddle

Enjoy the sensual delight of the soft plush fur side or flip over and take a walk on the wild side with a firm slap from the black leather side. 10' x 5'

Pink Quilted Heart Paddle

Let your sweetheart know who's boss with this supple heart-shaped paddle. Covered in silky-soft satin and quilted for extra comfort, it's soft enough to let them know you care but firm enough to get your point across.

Designer Paddle II

Explore your dominant or submissive side!With the Designer Paddle II, one crack of the Paddle and your lover will know who is in charge. It Hurts so Good! Explore kinky bedroom fun with this firm, stinging paddle.  This spanking paddle is made of stiff black leather accented with faux crocodile patterns and silver tone studs. A looped wrist strap keeps the handle in the user's hand, even if things get wild.  Length: 12 inches, Width: 5 inches.

Furry Heart Paddle

Explore your dominant or submissive side with the Furry Heart Paddle. One crack of the paddle and your lover will know who's in charge. It hurts so good! Length: 10", Width: 7".

Blush XOXO Paddle

Our Blush XOXO Paddle is a sexy way to truly leave your mark. The paddle has two sides to let you pick your pleasure...administer playful punishment with the smooth side or use the XOXO side with special cutouts that leave their shape on the skin! Made of leather free vinyl, this slender paddle is a great toybox addition for vegans or those who dislike leather bondage gear. A special hanging loop at the end can be fastened around the wrist for secure play. Special features: leather free, cut out impression style paddle. Personal pleasure paddle measures 12.5 inches long by 2.25 inches wide.