TMI Tuesday: July 29, 2014

Sexual Practices

1. How much sex is too much sex? Explain.

Hmmm... I suppose there is such as thing as too much sex.  If you can't maintain your responsibilities because you can't stop having sex long enough, then that would qualify as too much.  The lesson in this:  make time in your busy sex life for normal life tasks (eating, sleeping, showering, etc).

2. According to the Kinsey Institute, 18-29 year olds have sex an average of 112 times per year, 30-39 year olds an average of 86 times per year, and 40-49 year olds an average of 69 times per year (how appropriate!)

a. Which group of averages would you prefer to belong?

The 18-29 year old group!

b. Based on your age (if listed), find your group above. Would you say you are well below, pretty close to or high above your group’s average for having sex per year?

I am in the 18-29 year old group.  Generally I would say that I am high above my group's average.  However, this year I am WAYYYYY below it.  :-/

3. Swinging (defined here)–have you tried it? Will you try it? Do you hope/wish to try it before you die?

I haven't tried it, though I am intrigued by the concept.  I like the idea of swinging.  When I am emotionally involved in a relationship though, I become a greedy bitch.  So I don't mind being shared, but I am not willing to share my partner.  Talk about double standards, huh?

4. What is “having sex”? According to YOU and prior to this TMI Tuesday did you consider:
– Masturbation as having sex? No... though I do sometimes refer to it as sex with myself.
– Performing oral sex as having sex? Depends... I guess.

5. When was the last time you received oral sex?

Over ten months ago was the last time I saw ANY action... separation & divorce is a bitch!

Bonus:  What is it?

Ancient Aztec fertility sculptures...

Sensual Sunday: No. 8 Rule

TMI Tuesday: July 22, 2014

Can we talk… relationships?

1. What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you see an attractive person?

I wonder if they can carry on a good conversation... I'm turned on by a connection more than just looks.

2. What is your idea of a dream date? Describe the person and the type of date experience.

This is a tough one.  It would have to be with someone who makes me feel beautiful, keeps a giddy schoolgirl grin on my face, and can carry on an amazing conversation.  We would go out for an amazingly delicious dinner first.  It would be followed by coffee and endless conversation, maybe with a walk around some artsy part of the city.  Simple, yes... corny, probably... on point, absolutely.

3. How many serious relationships have you had? Were you in love?

Four... yes, I loved each of them.  To be honest, they will each forever have a piece of my heart.

4. How many casual sexual relationships have you had?

Considering that I don't usually equate sex with emotion... quite a few over the years.

5. What will ruin a relationship for you?

Dishonesty, cheating, and abuse...

Bonus: What is your definition of sexy?

Sexy is being confident, compassionate, witty, intelligent, and humble... all rolled into one.  Piercing eyes and a killer smile don't hurt either.

Sensual Sunday: Mine

Sending lots of love for your Sunday...

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy (Review + Giveaway)

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, 2nd Edition

How to Have Incredible Sex with Role Play, Sex Games,

Erotic Massage, BDSM Play and Much, Much More

Written by: Violet Blue

Foreword by: Dr. Carol Queen, Ph. D.
Published by:  Celis Press

Publishing July 3, 2014, in celebration of Disobedience Day

Everyone has sexual fantasies... but not everyone knows what to do with them.  The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy: How to Have Incredible Sex with Role Play, Sex Games, Erotic Massage, BDSM Play and Much, Much More is a roadmap to use your fantasies to propel your sex life to the next level.   "Fantasies are your own private, personal sex toys" says Violet Blue.

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy contains twelve chapters, each addressing a different part of fantasy or fetish play.  Violet Blue does an amazing job normalizing sexual fantasies ranging from the common to the disturbing.  By removing the shame from these thoughts, she leaves you feeling sexually empowered and ready to further explore your own fantasies.  One thing that I really like is that it  is written for everyone (straight, gay, man, woman, transgender, single, or coupled).  This book can be enjoyed by sexual novices and veteran kinksters alike.  It is packed with tons of great information, tips, tricks, and ideas.  There are bits of erotica written by Alison Tyler throughout.  An entire chapter at the end is dedicated to resources including books, websites, where to shop for costumes, and safer sex education.  

Discover how to:

• Change habits & learn new tricks with masturbation
• Talk to your partner & bring fantasies into your play together
• Role play without feeling silly (complete with suggestions on costumes, props, & scenarios)
• Add new people (threesomes, foursomes, or more) 
• Strip,  talk dirty, and give an erotic massage
• Play with professionals (strip clubs, peep booths, phone sex, and call girls)
• Have sex in public
• Explore S/M fantasies and different types of fetishes
• Play sex games

I think this is a great book!  Parts of it were super educational and parts had me laughing out loud.  Other parts had me taking a break to masturbate to my own fantasies.  

Exclusive Excerpt:

Want a taste of what The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy is all about?  The nice folks at Cleis Press have provided the following exclusive excerpt for you.

"Fantasy source material can come from a variety of places. Obviously, there’s your own imagination, but for some, hot ideas spring first from real-life sexual experiences. Real-life experiences can provide endless erotic inspiration, yet for many people what really gets the juices flowing (pardon the pun) is experiences we only wish we’d had. What if you had gone home with that stranger? Or really tried to get out of that speeding ticket?

Other ideas come from movies, music videos, porn, TV shows, books, and of course, erotica. And if you’re not single, some of the steamiest ideas will come from your lover.

Remember that if you fantasize about something shocking, like being forced to perform sex, it doesn’t mean that you want it to happen or that you are a bad person. But by identifying your fantasy scenario, you can find a safe space where imagination fuels desire.

By learning how to turn yourself on with fantasy, you can do extraordinary things, like make yourself really aroused and teach yourself new masturbation techniques. Or you can fantasize while your partner goes down on you, and learn to orgasm from the com- bination of oral stimulation plus fantasy. If you have established trust and sexual communication with a part- ner, you can share your fantasies—you can even make some of them come true. And in the following chapters, I’ll tell you exactly how."

From the Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, 2^nd Ed., by Violet Blue

About the Author:

Violet Blue is the best-selling author of numerous sex-instruction books;  she also writes about erotica, pornography, and sexual pleasure and health for a number of magazines. She blogs at Tiny Nibbles and created the popular podcast, Open Source Sex.  She lives in San Francisco.


Want to win a copy for yourself?  Enter below... be sure to come back daily for more entries!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

• Open only to US residents
• Must be 18+ 
• Giveaway will run from July 18th - August 17;  winner will be announced the following week
• Winner has one week to contact me or another winner will be drawn

Buy your copy on Amazon today!  It is available in paperback and on Kindle.

This post is part of the Ultimate Fantasy Blog tour I was offered to participate in by Cleis Press.

A copy of The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for an unbiased review.  This is in compliance with FTC guidelines.

TMI Tuesday: July 15, 2014

Party Fears

Good News: You’ve been invited to party!
Bad News: You have certain concerns. . .

1) Arrival. Are you afraid (a) that you can’t find the address, (b) that you will be early, (c) that you will be late, (d) other?

Definitely A!  I am extremely directionally challenged... meaning that I once ended up in Alabama trying to get home to Atlanta.  Yes, it is bad!

2) Clothing. Are you afraid (a) you will be underdressed, (b) overdressed, (c) dressed for the wrong activity, (d) don’t have items that you need, e.g. swimsuit, (3) other?

C... I am usually in stilettos. This is great in the city, but can prove impractical for outdoor barbecues out here in the country.

3) Drinks. Are you afraid that (a) you will drink too much, (b) that you will drink too little, (c) other people will drink too much, (d) there won’t be anything good that’s non-alcoholic, (e) other?

A... I have been known to overindulge in my alcohol on occasion.

4) Food. Are you afraid that (a) the food will be too new-fangled and trendy, (b) the food will be conventional and boring, (c) there won’t be anything you want to eat, (d) there won’t be any food and you are hungry, (e) other?

E... that there will be yummy food and I will be starving... and I will pig out!

5) Music. Are you afraid that (a) the music will be too loud, (b) there won’t be music or you won’t be able to hear it, (c) the music will be of a new genre you don’t like or can’t understand, (d) the music will be boring oldies, (e) other?

None of it... I love all kinds of music, loud or quiet.

6) Later. Are you afraid that (a) the party will end too soon and it won’t have been worth the trouble, (b) the party will go on too long, (c) other?

A... if I am in the partying mood then I can go all night.

7. Afterward. Are you afraid that (a) you will end up in bed with the wrong person and the sex will be bad, (b) the you will end up in bed with the wrong person and the sex will be great, (c) that you will end up in bed with the right person and there won’t be any sex, (d) that you will end up in bed with the right person who wants sex but you are too tired, (e) other?

A... if I am going to end up in bed with the wrong person, then I at least want mind blowing sex out of the deal!

TMI Tuesday

Sensual Sunday: To Be Sensual

A beautiful view on sensuality... 

What does it mean to you 'to be sensual'?

TMI Tuesday: July 8, 2014

Summer Is Here

It’s high summer! Here are some questions about the hot season.

1. Summer clothes are more revealing than winter clothes. What is the skimpiest outfit that you wear out in public?

Short, tight little dresses are the skimpiest these days... and right now that is even a stretch since I just had another baby.

2. What summer outfits turn you on when you see other people wearing them?

For women, I love to see things that are cut low in the back and sexy dresses with stilettos.  For men, I love thin button down shirts with a few buttons left undone... with low hanging jeans, showing that delicious curve in the front...

I am a sucker for these hips... is there a specific word for the definition?

3. Summer is hot! Sex is hot! Do you find that hot summer weather leads to hot summer sex?

Generally, my answer would be yes!  Less clothes equals less hassle to get down to business anytime, anywhere.  

4. It’s summer and oysters are off the menu (or maybe not, see
http://www.salishseafoods.com/pages/myths.html). What foods are the
aphrodisiacs of summer?

Chocolate... wine... more chocolate!

5. Summertime is hot and thirsty time. What is your favorite summer drink, alcoholic or not?

Coconut water... I am hooked!  It has to be original flavor though...

6. Two traditional vacation destinations to beat the summer heat are the mountains and the shore. Where do you like to go?

I love the beach... digging my toes in the sand, feeling the breeze on my face, listening to the waves crash on the shore... damn, I need a vacation!

7. Summertime is road trip time. Do you like to go on vacation by car?

I have always been a fan of road trips... if they are spontaneous, they are even better!

8. Summertime is experiment time. What are you going to do this summer that you’ve never done before?

Hmmm... not sure on this one.

9. Summertime can be hazardous. What summer threat do you fear most? Possibilities: bugs, wildlife, heat, lightning…

Snakes and spiders... EWWWW!

10. Summertime is summer fling time. Have you ever had a summertime romance? How far did it go?

Yes... I met him on the beach (where he was working) while I was on vacation.  I moved down to be with him about a month after we met... and we ended up being together for five years...

Bonus: Summertime is Festival time–music, art, seafood, and more. What festivals have you attended or will you attend?

I love attending festivals!  So far this year, I've been to the St. Patty's Festival and Hot Chicken Festival (yes, this does exist)... 

Your Pussy Is Perfect

I have said it before and I will say it again (and probably a million more times)... 

YOUR PUSSY IS PERFECT!  

I want each of you to know that.

Often, the only time we see other pussies is when we see porn or are intimate with another woman.  So for your reference, most people are not symmetrical.  This means sometimes one lip is bigger than the other, the inner lips are bigger than the outer lips, the outer lips are bigger than the inner lips... you get the point.  Each way is beautiful and perfect, so love the pussy you have!

We often have an abstract relationship with our pleasure anatomy.  In life, we are taught about our fallopian tubes and ovaries, not our vulvas or vaginas.  But we never touch our fallopian tubes or ovaries... and they don't give us orgasms!  I firmly believe we should all learn about our bodies and what brings us pleasure.  Bringing toys into our sexual experience helps us learn and enhance what feels good to us... and share that with our partners.  Wouldn't you like to learn a little more about your pussy?  I love pussy!

I heard the clitoris called "the center of the fucking universe" (by the amazing Ducky Doolittle of course).  Personally, I couldn't agree more!  Most people think that the clitoris is about the size of a pearl.  It is actually a shaft about an inch long that extends up toward the navel and has nerve bundles that go down both sides of the vulva (like a wishbone shape).  For some people the clitoris is the holy grail of orgasms.  For others, direct stimulation might be too much, even painful.  This is why exploring with different touch and sensations is so amazing.  It helps you learn what works for you.

I was really excited to find the Pussy Pride Project.  This was started by Molly at Molly's Daily Kiss and is all about celebrating the pussy.  You can even contribute if you like!  Please do take a moment to go check it out and read about some wonderful pussies being celebrated.  If you contribute, feel free to add your link here too!

So go ahead... learn about, touch, explore, and embrace the pussy you have!

Sensual Sunday: Goddess

TMI Tuesday: July 1, 2014

Life

1. We learn from our mistakes. What sex or sexual mistakes have you made and learned from, What was the lesson learned?

Hmmm... If you are going to be chained to a massage table for hours of hardcore fucking, take breaks from the cuffs so you have feeling in your arms when you are finished.  Also, lube is a must for anal sex... ALWAYS!  I learned both of these lessons the hard way.

This is oh so true for me... but not on these lessons!

2. What risk (sexual or not) would you take if you knew you would not fail?

I would love to write an autobiography.  I have lived a crazy life and would love to give others' hope by sharing my story.  I think it could make people laugh, cry, and sit on the edge of  their seats.  Maybe someday... and yes, it would include a great deal of sex!

3. At what time in your life have you felt most passionate and alive?

One of these times was the week of my wedding to my wife.  We were in another country and spent the trip exploring the city and each other.  There was so much love and passion that every experience was amplified and everything was made more beautiful.  

4. What one piece of advice about sex would you offer the virgin you?

Does this mean that I can claim Madonna's "Like A Virgin" as my theme song again... LOL.  No one ever cosigns that one for me!  I would tell my inner virgin to learn about her body, what feels good to her, and embrace her sexuality to make HERSELF feel good.  Knowledge is power and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

5. What are you avoiding?

Switching the blog over to be self-hosted... it is going to happen soon though!

6. By what age should you know what you want to do with your life?

I am not the type of person that believes there is a one size fits all answer for things.  I think people should live fully, try lots of things, have lots of experiences, and do what they enjoy in life... regardless of when they figure that out or if they ever settle into one thing.  For me personally, I have had done many things that I love and am passionate about.  I go where life takes me... and try my best to enjoy the ride.

Bonus: Do you think you’ve experienced true intimacy in a relationship?

Yes, with one person.  I have loved many, but feel true intimacy was only experienced with one.  Open communication, desire to truly know one another, facing fears hand in hand, working together to heal and move forward... two willing participants, head over heels in love, doing the work.  It was the most amazing experience...

TMI Tuesday